Retrospective Feelings
I still remember like it was yesterday. One day, in my intermediate class, as a class trip we went to the Necropolis. Yes, it is an odd place for newcomers. However, as I didn’t really understand where we were heading, you can imagine my surprise once we arrived. My English lecturer was explaining the location and may have told us about some historical graves. Again, because of the language barrier it was hard for me to follow her tales.
At that time, whenever I was left by myself, I had this habit of disassociating myself from the present world and be more focussed in my mind. This time wasn’t any different. Though one thing was this really odd feeling I had towards the dead.
I found myself being jealous of them. Yes, as weird as it may sound, I was envying them. The reason, you ask? Well they were unable to feel anything, which included sadness, loneliness, confusion, despair ... you would understand that I wasn’t particularly in a good place mentally, compared to those who were dead and in peace; two things I was longing for.
Fast forward after nearly two years, and I returned to the Necropolis this past summer. My heart skipped a beat. I am glad to say that I am nowhere near that same state of mind. Three years ago, I was emotional and at the edge of life itself. Going back reminded me that life isn’t always what we think it is in that present moment. I am a strong believer that time heals all wounds if you allow it for yourself.
All you have to do is to trust your future self; I promise it will never let you down.
Words and images by Mavam Dualeh.
