Returning to university in a pandemic
Emma Jokinen writes about her experience of continuing a university degree during Covid-19
I’m starting my third year at university soon, and it feels a lot like the first: I have no idea what it’s going to be like. Will there be seminars? How will I take exams? Will Zoom be functioning properly? How can I meet with my advisor and lecturers? What support will there be for me if we’re not allowed to be on campus?
Stepping into the unknown is terrifying. The shift between high school and university is a big one. Suddenly everything is different: classes are huge, your lecturers don’t know you by name, you’re doing most of your studying independently. I went through all that two years ago, disoriented and overwhelmed and happy as well as terrified. I’m halfway through my degree now, and just as I start to feel like I’ve got things under control, they change again.
My next semester is as daunting as the first. More, even, because this time it actually matters. Going into junior honours, these are the grades that will make up my degree. What I did during those first two years was laying a foundation, and I thought it was solid. But I wasn’t prepared for this.
When you’ve been at university for a while, you build certain habits. You get to know how you study best and how you can be your most productive; like going to the library, meeting with your tutor, having a schedule, being held accountable by friends. These things take time to learn and develop. For all of us going into our later years, we’re now having to start over again, because the situation has completely changed.
I know how to stay focused in a lecture. Do I know how to concentrate on my laptop screen when I’m sitting in my bedroom? I know I study best when I’m at the library with friends. Will I be able to write my essays alone in bed?
It was comforting to know, the first time I was figuring these things out, that my academic performance wouldn’t really count for anything. I could focus on building study habits and learning how to write essays. I don’t have that luxury this time.
We’re still in the middle of a pandemic, and I’m full of anxiety.
I’m lonely and scared and overwhelmed by everything that’s going on in the world. I’m living through a global crisis, but I’m still expected to perform. I’m still expected to submit essays and take exams, all in ways very new and different to me.
The future is full of uncertainty. We don’t know when this pandemic will be over. We don’t know if we’ll have to go back into lockdown again. We don’t know what will happen politically or financially, and I definitely don’t know what will happen to me academically.
It’s scary, but I’m somewhat used to university life. I can’t even begin to understand the experience of those starting their first year right now. At least we have one thing in common: we’re all entering into something completely new, and none of us are alone.
